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(This post was written by Matthew Shadbolt (@Corcoran_Group), Director of Interactive Product & Marketing at The Corcoran Group, Manhattan’s largest (by sales volume) residential real estate brokerage.)

If it’s one thing that social media allows you to do, it’s put your opinion out into the world.

From status updates and video blogs, to the barrage of tweets we consume, there’s an unprecedented level of thought sharing we’re all exposed to throughout our day. There’s no question that social media has facilitated more sharing of opinions than ever before in our history, and as a New Yorker that is really saying something. On the one hand this is an incredible thing. On the other I’d like to raise an issue about its effectiveness, and a current trend I see within the online real estate community.

There exists in the community of those in real estate using social media to grow and expand the horizons of their business, a culture of, what Steve Rubel has characterized as ‘a friending arms race.’ This is a fascinating concept, and one which I think holds true for many real estate professionals blogging, tweeting or otherwise posting. There’s developed an ingrained concept of whoever has the most fans or followers ‘wins.’ The only thing this metric speaks to is potential reach, with a big, big emphasis on ‘potential.’

(I Hope) You Like Me, You Really, Really Like Me!

Many have successfully argued that the number of fans and followers is meaningless in comparison to what is happening on the pages themselves. This is true. However, the specific term ‘Like’ is causing some very real issues, with many just wanting to be ‘liked’ as much as possible. This has resulted in a culture of ‘ask’ overload, where brands, individuals and anyone else using these platforms are perpetually asking folks to like them. A great metric supporting this is that most people don’t know 20% (or more) of their Facebook friends. This appears needy and desperate. I’d argue that a ‘like’ should be earned on the merits of the content or service produced on the page, rather than explicitly asked for or requested. It’s a conclusion, not a request. ‘Please like me’ just doesn’t resonate well, but this is what’s happening with unfortunate frequency throughout real estate every day.

The ‘need to be liked’ is a troubling and increasingly visible trend, and I argue that it’s leading to a culture whereby those using these platforms are overly cautious about sharing an opinion which may be counter to the one presented by the account with the larger following. The little guy needs to stand up and give his two cents a lot more.

Neither Lovefest Nor Haterade

What happens is that a lot of the conversations, particularly on Twitter, surrounding important issues within the real estate community (especially concerning its regulation and best practices), end up turning into a lovefest of who is doing the best marketing on Facebook, and the idea of us being able to learn from each other becomes acutely diluted. Disagreement is the foundation of all of us getting better.

I’m not talking about, as Gary Vaynerchuk has characterized it, ‘chugging down the Haterade‘ (although we should all expect our fair share of this if we choose to participate publicly). I’m proposing that there’s more focus on actual constructive criticism, more sharing of the ‘two cents,’ and more active disagreement and discussion to resolve why things happen the way they do. The counter opinion is something we learn from, and disagreement is a great way to improve your product. It’s healthy.

I have been involved in some intensely passionate discussions recently, especially on Twitter. They have improved the way I think about what I do beyond measure.

The lovefest feels good, but it’s the fast food of product development. There is little chance your product will improve, scale, and differentiate itself from the herd if all you hear is positive feedback. We need to hear the bad stuff, however painful it may be. Getting better is the goal, not having our egos massaged – the time for that is over.

Get Real

Get real, especially in social. If you’re putting yourself out there on a social platform, and sharing your own opinions, then you’re fair game and you’ve exposed yourself to others sharing their own opinions of YOU. Having a thin skin is going to be a problem. It sounds a little scary, but I believe this should never be a barrier. This is now part of our industry’s culture, and the need to accept that this might not always be positive is important. Those providing constructive criticism are very often right, or at a minimum will make you think about how your product is being perceived, even if it’s not something you actually act upon. Thinking different comes from this process.

Speaking of Thinking Different, I recently read that there was an analysis done on Steve Jobs’ email inbox. The overwhelming number of outgoing mails were responses consisting of one word – ‘no‘ (see Carmine Gallo’s ‘Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs’ for more on this – a fantastic read). This seems to me to be a great way to approach product design. Refinement through rejection is not only how you make things truly stellar, but also how you learn through an aggressive process of iteration. I would truly love to see this concept applied to real estate’s online conversations. No one likes a troll, but it’s OK to disagree only IF the conversation is constructive. I’m obviously not advocating an attack, it needs to be meaningful, helpful, and not personal.

Is it unfair to call someone out for what they’re doing? No, so long as you put forth your ‘why.’ The need for us all to understand what’s working, how it applies to us, and how we all collectively improve together is paramount. Respect the other side.

I have been publicly critical of the ‘ten things you need to do to…’ posting approach, especially in blogging. I believe it is a lazy method of simply writing a list that few will act on. However, the place where the discussion around this is most effective happens in the comments. I rarely post, and I don’t have a blog, but I’m finding the guts of these conversations aren’t happening in the posts anyway, they’re happening in response to the posts, with some comments even being longer than the posts themselves. This is a great thing.

The Upside of Disagreement

I propose that in order for the online real estate industry to improve at scale, especially in its use of social media, it needs to start opening itself up to questioning and disagreement on a far more widespread level. While sharing best practices is fantastic, it’s far more effective in the long term to counter bad ones, coupled with a why. There’s recently been a large online conversation about what makes great content, inspired by a recent event a few of us were following online. The advice to those assembled was ‘post great content that people will want to share’ – a piece of advice that a small group of us chose to take issue with. The resulting, very lengthy conversation produced some concrete answers to what would potentially be more effective to present to agents, as well as solid responses to what would indeed make something shareable and ‘good.’ This would never have happened without the counter response.

I encourage you to make more of this in your social media efforts.

Scratch at the surface, be more inquiring, ask the tough questions. We’ll all improve on a rising tide if we do this together. See you in the comments.